Booty shorts and unrealistic expectations.

I guarantee I’m about to piss some people off.  Truth hurts.

Ladies, you cannot expect to attract a “good man” by wearing booty shorts and bra tops.  What is this with the whole crying and whining trend from women who don’t understand why they can’t dress the way they want to and still get respect?  Are we really that entitled in this country?  If you’re big enough to wear the clothes then you’re big enough to assume all the risks that come with it.  I’ve had my share of questionable fashion choices but I knew exactly what I was in for before I stepped outside my house.  I was ready for it.  And when I got tired of being misunderstood and misrepresented, I changed my clothes.  I know full well that not all women who dress provocatively are sluts, but I can also admit that the clothes make it appear that way.   Nobody is mistaking Kelly Bundy for a missionary.

Uniforms come with an understanding of certain risks and liabilities.  By wearing the uniform you agree that you are willing to take those risks.  Cops risk being shot, firemen risk being burned, doctors risk catching germs- hell, even gangsters know what’s up when you wear one color but not another.  For some reason we women think none of those rules apply to us.  If you are going to wear the uniform, stop bellyaching or change clothes.

So why is it that we tend to think we can be so free as to walk the aisles of Target showing more flesh than a little bit, but still expect to attract a nice guy who wants to get to know us and be really into our hearts and our personalities and not expect sex in exchange for dinner and a movie?  What if your son brought home a girl who dressed just like you?  Would you be happy?  Would you be scared for him?  Would you be angry?  Talking about how you want a man to notice your personality while you got the volume way up on your assets.  Please!  You can’t be serious!

And before anyone jumps on here with comments about how clothing is no excuse for rape, I agree 1,000%.  But this is not about sexual assault as it relates to dress.  It’s about relationships and expectations as they relate to dress. 

If no one else will tell you, I’m telling you.  A man who respects himself and respects women can tell right away if you have no respect for yourself, and he is not attracted to that.  He will definitely look, but to approach- unlikely.  Date- highly unlikely.  Marry- forget it!  He is not trying to take you home to his momma!

The way you dress is a reflection of your self-worth.  If you do not value and treasure your beautiful flesh the way God does, you will put it on display like the clearance rack at Forever 21.  There it is right by the front door for everyone to see as they come in.  But if you really do treasure and hold dear the body that you were given, you cover it and protect it from being trampled by bargain shoppers looking for a deal.  You are worth so much more than what society is telling you.  You are not a walking, talking exercise machine for men with evil desires.  I know it’s hard not to show your body.  I struggle with wanting to wear certain things because I’m still petite after having 5 kids and I get caught up in wanting to feel sexy and attractive.  But when I consider the kind of attention I will receive by wearing a certain outfit, I decide it’s not worth the headache.

You are not missing out on your man by dressing with class and dignity.  You can be incredibly sexy with clothes on.  He will know how to find you.  A good man knows a good woman when he sees one.  Never compromise your values.  Never.

If you’re a proud wearer of booty shorts, keep doing what you do.  All I ask is that you stop crying about the blowback.  You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.


Insincere vs. Unrepentant

Here’s a question. I’d love to have your honest answers and not quoted scripture. I’m asking for your personal thoughts and feelings.

Whom would you find it EASIEST to forgive: Someone who repeats the same offense against you hundreds of times and gives a teary apology every time OR one who has committed a single horrible offense against you and is not sorry and maybe even bragging about it?

Alone With God


Point Fermin, San Pedro, CA, May 2012


Every once in awhile I get away to be alone with God.  Sometimes it’s planned and sometimes I’m running for my sanity at the last minute.  I go whenever I feel the need but lately I feel the need to do this at regular intervals ie. monthly, quarterly, etc.   

Our designated meeting place is the Point Fermin Lighthouse in San Pedro, California.  The lighthouse- I can’t think of a better place to go when I’m feeling lost.  I snapped the above photo last month when I went there to clear my head.  It’s simply breathtaking.  There, perched hundreds of feet above sea level, I feel God’s breath of life blowing gently through my locs and across my cheeks. This might come off as very selfish but I don’t really feel like revealing what I do on these trips.  This time is between me and God and I cherish those times very much.  This is our bonding time.

Looking over the Pacific ocean and across the sand and cliffs at all the wonderous works of God’s hands gives me hope and reminds me just how loving and great and forgiving and awesome my Father in heaven really is.

I love being in His presence no matter what the location is.  This just happens to be my favorite.   

Do you have a special place where you feel closer to God?  If not, you need to get one.  It is so worth it.


Bacon, Pine-sol & Incense

I almost hate to admit it but in some ways I’m just like my mom.  I love to clean when I’m stressed.  I can’t afford to join a gym and I hate running/jogging. Cleaning is my favorite way to let off steam.  It’s free, it’s readily available and the benefits last for a good while.  The smell of burning incense also makes me want to clean.  I’m not a neat freak by any means, but I do like things to be clean.  When I was a kid living with my mom, good times were scarce.  But when they happened it was a great thing. 

I used to wake up on some Saturday mornings to the smell of bacon and Pine-sol.  I’ve already shared in a previous post about my mom that she was a drug addict for many years.  She is also a veteran.  Those two things together make a woman who likes to wake up at 4 a.m. and clean.  For those who don’t know, heavy drug users do regular stuff at highly irregular hours; like washing the car at midnight.  For my mom it was cleaning at midnight, 2 a.m., 4 a.m., etc.  She’s a neat freak of epic proportions- picking lint off her navy blue carpet with her hands.  I blame the military for making her that way because my grandmother says she was a very messy kid.  I don’t know why, but almost every veteran I know wakes up extremely early in the morning, even when they have no particular place to be.  It’s like there was a timer set and placed in them during basic training and they forgot to disable it upon discharge from service.

Anyway, on VERY rare Saturday or Sunday mornings I would sometimes be awakened by the smell of bacon cooking and the “power of Pine-sol”.  By 7 a.m. my mom had cleaned the entire house, swept and mopped the floors and cooked breakfast.  Everything was immaculate.  After admiring mom’s work I would run to the table and gobble up all the good food, then it was off to get dressed and play outside.  At lunchtime I came back inside to the scent of incense burning.  Either Stevie Wonder, The Gap Band or The New Birth would be playing on the radio.  And there was my mom chillin’ on the couch with her legs crossed and cigarette in her hand.  She had a look of satisfaction that her house was clean.  She never lit incense until the house was clean.  This is probably my favorite childhood memory.  My mom was at peace.  The house was at peace.  My sisters were at peace.  I was at peace.

As a grown woman with my own house and family I clean on the weekends and I do burn incense when I’m done.  I enjoy cooking a big breakfast for my kids as much as they enjoy eating it.  Grits, eggs, bacon and toast are the perfect wake up call- but not before 8 a.m.!  And we all sit at the table and eat as Anthony Hamilton and Erykah Badu sing.

P.S. > I know you might be wondering how I can joke about my mom’s drug use and how it affected her, but her story is also part of my story.  And because I have truly forgiven her I can look back on my childhood and find joy in some of the little things 🙂

Marriage and Men

Pastor Mark Driscoll lays it all out. Women fear trusting men because men are just messing up. Girls, you’re not crazy after all! It’s true!

Black Women Deserve To Be Disrespected

Black women deserve to be disrespected because they don’t even respect themselves?  This is what society would have us think.  Black women continue to be a running joke for many people: angry, loud, abrasive, combative, lazy, needy, materialistic… the list goes on forever.  Even with the existence of shows like Jersey Shore and Housewives of Orange County where white or otherwise non-Black women fight, scream, curse, manipulate and spend tons of money, somehow Black women are still largely viewed as an embarrassment to womanhood and to the Black race.  Shows like Maury Povich, which almost always features Black women and men who make poor life choices, keep this BS going.  Black women deserve to be disrespected.  Says who?  I’m so glad you asked!

Black men.

Do a YouTube search of “Black women”.  Brace yourself.  It’s ugly and hateful.  Video after video talking about why Black women can’t find a man, why they don’t get married, why society doesn’t take them seriously.  Suggestions like ‘sit down and shut up’ to ‘just accept that you will always be single’ are given freely by BLACK MEN.  Yes.  Black men are on YouTube making videos about how much they hate Black women and why.  And then there are hundreds of comments on these videos from other men (presumably Black men) agreeing, and even throwing in a few very degrading and derogatory remarks for good measure.  These same men have Black mothers, sisters and grandmothers.  Some even mention their daughters.  This scares me.  These men are raising boys to be men who “think” as they do and believe as they believe.  It spreads like a deadly infection through families and communities.  I made myself so sick from watching these videos one day I just logged off and cried.  My heart was heavy for days afterward.  I had to fast and pray to get that spirit off my back.   It was that bad.

I could probably write a book on why these particular Black men choose to blame their women for every single thing that’s not right with the Black family.  That would be a waste of time and energy.  All I know is that having a man of your own race degrade you because of your race is both unsettling and infuriating.  It’s like watching a lion eat a lioness.  It’s unnatural.  And there are just as many videos of Black women spewing hatred of Black men.  What are we doing?  Of all the worries in the Black community, of all the threats to our growth and well-being this is THE deadliest of threats.  We are destroying ourselves from the inside out and laying out poisonous traps for future generations to find and ingest.  THIS HAS GOT TO STOP!

It’s no secret that women as a whole (myself included) need to have more self-respect and be the women that God created us to be.  I said women as a whole.  Anybody with eyes can see that these issues are not exclusive to any one race or culture.  Women everywhere are lacking CLASS (CLothes on your ASS).  And I know it’s because we sometimes think no one cares about a woman’s character anymore.  It’s all about sex now, some might say.  It kills me to see Black women buying into the lie that they’re worthless and unlovable.  They become discouraged and then they lower their standards by giving love to a man who doesn’t know how or want to love them back. 

Listen up! I want women everywhere, all my sisters of all colors, to know that the world is corrupt.  Our Father in heaven sees the huge burden we shoulder now.  Somebody reading this right now is shouldering a burden that a man should have, but refused to carry.  Know that God is not pleased because this is not the plan He has for your life.  And God holds Adam responsible first, then Eve.  These men are in for a rude awakening.

Do not lower your standards!  Do not believe the lies!  Chin up, chest out!  You are worth much more than you could ever know.  Says who?  I’m so glad you asked. 

God says so.  That’s who!

More Than I Can Bear



Picture from

Here’s a random thought. 

I love gospel music.  I grew up with it.  I sing it.  I hum it.  It’s on my playlist.  I know it like the back of my hand.  But, you know how you can sing a song for years without really paying attention to the lyrics?  And then one day…  

Well recently I’ve been thinking of a song that says “He’ll never put more on me than I can bear”.  Uh, I hate to break it to y’all but God will give you whatever it takes to bring you to your knees- prayer position.  The point is to get you to drop your heavy load and let God carry it.  His “yoke is easy” and His “burden is light”  The goal is not to cripple us or beat us down to a state of utter despair and bitterness, but to the point where we can’t move without His help.  Isn’t that the point of faith?  When our load is way heavier than what we could ever pick up alone, it’s usually then that we cry out to God. 

No one cries out to God when the rent is a day late.  They cry out when they get that 3-day eviction notice.  God gets all the glory when he comes through for us and more people get to see His glory.  The bigger the miracle, the deeper the grace, the greater the triumph, the more hearts He wins over.