Not All Counsel Is Wise

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He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.
-Proverbs 28:13

I’ve recently been turned on to a website called Good Women Project.  I read their ‘About Us’ section and one of their many goals is to “restore a woman’s identity as God created her to be.”   I thought ‘cool’ and decided to browse and see what they were talking about.  The site has lots of great articles from real, everyday women on topics such as sex, marriage, parenting, friendship etc.  I have found so many inspirational articles on this site that apply to myself and people I love who are struggling in certain areas of their lives.  For the most part I do respect the site, the editors, contributors and the writers because they share their own personal stories for the sake of helping women like me.  Now that I’ve said all that, I do have one big gripe about an article they posted.  It’s by a woman who had an affair with a married man.  Read it for yourself here and then see my complaint below.

I’m disappointed in Good Women Project.  There.  I said it.  I still love them though.

Let me start by saying that any affair takes two people.  But the wayward spouse is mostly to blame because they failed to protect the marriage and their spouse.  The lover is not a victim, but an accomplice.  The spouse is not the victim trapped in a horrible marriage. If two consenting adults are willing, they are not victims.  If one is not willing it’s called rape.  Let’s get that straight.  I can’t stand when one claims to be a victim who was used.  They should talk to victims of human trafficking. 

In this particular article, a woman explains how she got involved with a married man at work.  The problem I have is her lack of humility and ownership of her own wrongs.  This is my opinion.  She describes the whole relationship as something that started when this married man worked some kind of voodoo magic on her mind and broke her down.  It wasn’t her fault.  He made her do it.  At least, that’s how the story comes across.  He was an evil bastard who stalked her.  To her credit she does say that she felt tremendous guilt for what she was doing.  She had sex with this man in his truck parked near his home.  Where this thing goes left for me is when she says that her friend had to call the man and end the affair for her.  After all that, she still continues to drive past the man’s house and seeks him out in public.

“I still want to see him. I still find myself driving towards his house, his work, looking for him everywhere I go,”    

Then the comments left by readers hail her as a strong, humble woman who overcame.  Overcame what?  Not only did she NOT end the affair on her own, she still wants it.  She says she doesn’t, but her actions say otherwise.  Actions matter more than words.  How many people have lost respect after being found to say one thing and live another way?  I think it’s safe to say that the only reason she is not with this man right now is because he has become unavailable.  To illustrate, let’s suppose a man is addicted to heroin.  He is in so deep that his family and friends worry constantly that he will die on the street somewhere.  Then one day by some huge miracle, heroin is no longer available in the county where he lives.  Does this make him a strong man?  Has he truly overcome?  Did he kick on his own?  No.  But hey, sometimes we need to be rescued, right?  But if he purposely drives to the next county where heroin is available, looking for all his old addict friends, is he not still lost?  Wouldn’t you say it’s only a matter of time before this man uses again?  I would say so.  So my feeling is that if this woman bumps into this her old lover at the bank, it’s all over.

I’m not mad at GWP for posting the article, I’m mad at them for not including a disclaimer that says, “This is not an example of true repentance”.  Well, something like that but you get my point.  I’m just saying it’s misleading, and the comments show it.  True repentance is turning away from your sin.  It doesn’t mean you won’t struggle ever again or be tempted ever again.  But if you continue to seek it out, you’re in serious danger and not truly repentant.  If this woman is a friend to the editors, someone needs to really sit her down and show her some love.  Someone needs to tell her the truth about repentance.  Knowing that what you’re doing is wrong is not enough.  As a matter of fact, knowing you’re wrong is what makes sin exciting.  Knowing and continuing is what separates us from Christ.  As long as we blame others for our wrongs, we are not giving our hearts to Jesus for Him to soften.  We gotta get to that place where you love Christ too much to be separated from Him any longer.  When we willingly give ourselves over to sin and stay there, all the while saying “God is working on me”, not only is He not working on you, you haven’t even signed up for the program!  It’s the difference between “I want to, but I won’t” and “I want to and I will. God will forgive me”. 

In contrast, to read an article on GWP from a woman who owns her sin and shows true repentance, click here.  You’ll see the difference.

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5 thoughts on “Not All Counsel Is Wise

  1. I completely agree. At one point, as an adult, we have to acknowledge that we are choosing sin. The reasons may be “complicated” or there is a whole bunch of feelings behind it, but at the end of the day we are choosing sin. At some point before the affair, the man and the woman were entertaining thoughts and behaviors that they knew could lead them to be disrespectful to his wife, his marriage and to each other. At some point could have ended it before it got to far.

  2. I’ve just printed the article to read on the commute home. So I may have further comments. I don’t get the mind thing, that he apparently did to her. As adults we know right from wrong. We choose whether or not we are going to abide by the rules. I totally agree, choosing sin is easy, looking in the mirror and admitting you have done wrong is hard. I totally love your blog. I can learn a great deal here. I will be back!!

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