I’m not sure how the posting time zones work on wordpress but my 35th birthday is on April 22. As most people do on their birthday, I have reflected on the road I traveled this past year and just through my life in general. Mostly I just looked in the mirror and thanked my Mom for passing the good genes. Black don’t crack!
I had a rough childhood but it could have been way worse. I was pretty pissed off about this up until I graduated college. Now I know that the things I suffered made me a more loving, sensitive and responsible mother to my own children. For that reason alone, it was all worth it. I don’t have much to write about trials and tribulations. Most of that will come out as I continue to blog about the women in my family, including myself. I thank God for sticking so close all these years and protecting me and loving me. Never once has He let me down.
What I can say is that in the past year alone I have learned A LOT about Jesus, myself, marriage, motherhood and the world. I know it sounds funny but I finally feel like a grown ass woman. I mean, I have pretty much felt grown since I was a kid taking on adult responsibilities. That’s why I have what the old folks call an “old soul”. But this year I feel like I have come into my own. I have been to hell and back and I emerged as a different woman- much wiser, more loving toward myself and protective of my heart. I see the mistakes I’ve been making for years and a warm feeling washes over me like I’m laid out on Venice Beach. I don’t feel ashamed or stupid for the bad choices I have made because I needed those mistakes to become a woman. A few things I have discovered about myself and the world around me:
- I give my heart away too quickly to people who don’t deserve to have it.
- I let too many little things bother me.
- I am a sexy, vibrant woman with a great figure (even after giving birth to 5 babies!)
- People who demand respect turn me off.
- People who command respect turn me on.
- I seem to equate fun and leisure time with irresponsibility. Gotta change that!
- I deny myself simple pleasures because I don’t feel worthy.
- I have HUGE daddy issues!
- The world detests morals.
- Working for someone’s love and affection is a dead-end job.
- Compliments make me more uncomfortable than insults. It’s true!
- Male friends suddenly campaign for boyfriend status when you become single.
At 35 years old I now live life the way I want to. I do what comes naturally to me now, but I always check with God first because I could seriously screw my life up if I don’t. Even my reasons for doing certain things have changed. I have reclaimed energy wasted on ungrateful people and began using if for myself and my children. I feel so free! No longer do I have to sacrifice my happiness to make people like me or love me. Either they do or they don’t. I can make an executive decision and tell people to stay out of my business.